you are a distant memory

I chat to fan-friend. I felt her pain. she got carried away by the wine that she drank and i cried from her loneliness. Michael, i understand her feeling, because we have the same flow of thoughts for you. right now, i drank too a little which i've long been wanting to do the moment i knew you passed. i kept it inside alone..without anybody knowing it. I want to release every pain that i have here. Michael..there's no color now. especially when i hear your voice, every pain of yours and your passing come back to me. there's no fear of passing since you left. you're all inside of me. Ive been wanting to release the hurt and pain but there was nobody here to listen. it was like my world was the only planet in the universe. i felt so all alone. then i found a friend online who took care of me. she understood every pain i had from your passing. I thank God for sending her to me. she was my angel who rescued me. Now, i feel lighter, but the pain still resides. i talked and shared my feelings to my filipina friends...was relieved. but when i came homea, the same old feeling came back to me. i wish you are still here. i didn't expect you were to go, because i was just beginning to know you. One month, Michael. It was so short. I know creations fade and go, but i was just starting. i was not even in the first step. I was just viewing you from afar, seeing you standing in brightness. I came nearer to have a good look at that brightness that i saw that amazed me, when suddenly, you disappeared. I was astound feeling so left behind. The joy that i had for a very short time remained in me and hunted me to the point of risking every dangerous path just to see you once more. I know it didn't happen. it's just a metaphor,a kind of thought that means so deep for the user to express the depth of the desire to express the feeling.

I love you so much, Michael. For me, you just stepped on my door, waved at me, and then disappeared like a sud. I saw you once and watched your magic--it's all i could remember. I was amazed by it. Then forgot because there was no you in my place. Until i knew you last year and was surprised to know you were the one i admired and looked for in vain.

Now, you're gone..and i'm still here looking for you..for the continuation of the glimpse that i had on you. I on't know when i would end searching for your future--for the things which i supposed to have seen had you didn't pass. I don't know when i would finish walking on that path where you should have walked on. It's like a never ending search for nothing.