An Angel In Disguise

Look inside your heart, they will see how pure you were.  The innocence on your face shines like a star around you.  You grew up and old with love surrounding you.  The love that we feel for you is no doubt the strongest of all.  Loving you  just the way you were.  An angel in disguise on earth.

 

rest children..he's in a better place now

I hate seeing Michael's kids crying.  I want to embrace them and wish i can help them heal.

 A crying flower with petals wet from tears,   Needs a sun to dry them with ease, When mornings come and smiles surround it, Tears disappear and love it will meet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you are a distant memory

I chat to fan-friend. I felt her pain. she got carried away by the wine that she drank and i cried from her loneliness. Michael, i understand her feeling, because we have the same flow of thoughts for you. right now, i drank too a little which i've long been wanting to do the moment i knew you passed. i kept it inside alone..without anybody knowing it. I want to release every pain that i have here. Michael..there's no color now. especially when i hear your voice, every pain of yours and your passing come back to me. there's no fear of passing since you left. you're all inside of me. Ive been wanting to release the hurt and pain but there was nobody here to listen. it was like my world was the only planet in the universe. i felt so all alone. then i found a friend online who took care of me. she understood every pain i had from your passing. I thank God for sending her to me. she was my angel who rescued me. Now, i feel lighter, but the pain still resides. i talked and shared my feelings to my filipina friends...was relieved. but when i came homea, the same old feeling came back to me. i wish you are still here. i didn't expect you were to go, because i was just beginning to know you. One month, Michael. It was so short. I know creations fade and go, but i was just starting. i was not even in the first step. I was just viewing you from afar, seeing you standing in brightness. I came nearer to have a good look at that brightness that i saw that amazed me, when suddenly, you disappeared. I was astound feeling so left behind. The joy that i had for a very short time remained in me and hunted me to the point of risking every dangerous path just to see you once more. I know it didn't happen. it's just a metaphor,a kind of thought that means so deep for the user to express the depth of the desire to express the feeling.

I love you so much, Michael. For me, you just stepped on my door, waved at me, and then disappeared like a sud. I saw you once and watched your magic--it's all i could remember. I was amazed by it. Then forgot because there was no you in my place. Until i knew you last year and was surprised to know you were the one i admired and looked for in vain.

Now, you're gone..and i'm still here looking for you..for the continuation of the glimpse that i had on you. I on't know when i would end searching for your future--for the things which i supposed to have seen had you didn't pass. I don't know when i would finish walking on that path where you should have walked on. It's like a never ending search for nothing.

We love you so much our angel, our hero

You once shone like no other,
Loved like no other,
Sang like no other,
Danced like no other,
Smiled like no other,
Laughed like no other,
Charmed us like no one did,
Made us cry like no one did,
Paved the way to unity like no one did,
Was hurt like no one had felt,
Got sad like no one had felt,
Loved like no one received,
Desired like no one received,
Fantasized more than others had been,
Held our breath with stunning loveliness,
Made us fall in love and loved no less.
The only guy we knew who shone so bright,
The charisma you possessed wounded our lower lip,
From the emotion restrained,
Just inside they were kept.
So lovely to look at...
So adorable like a god,
The way you made us feel,
And still making us feel,
Is perfect as the dark of the night,
When hearts tend to fall in love.more »

You are still my song...
You are still my smile,
The thunder inside my chest,
That lives in my dream at night.
You are the loveliest lyrics
That i find so rare,
That only the softest and sweetest
Voice of a bird has the right to sing.

I love you.

 

God is L O V E

Always believe in Him.  He loves us whatever we are.

I have read it from my brother who was living with his family for around 15 years now. for 7 months, he lsot his job until now. It went like this:

"Sis,

Kadarating ko lang sa bahay at nag-iinit ako ng tatanghalian ko nang buksan ko ang TV (meron dito sa eat-in-kitchen) at naka tuned-in sa 700 Club hosted by Connie Reyes Mumar and a guy I do not know but looks familiar. There was a lady being featured, an architect, who turned and prayed to God to find her the right way and asked to develop her talent further and to lead her to the right direction in her profession. Now she has her own business as a landscape architect with big companies as her clients, at a young age. Then the hosts prayed and while praying, I laid my right hand on the TV screen and closed my eyes. After the prayer I sat, while about to start eating, Connie mentioned that there are viewers, as if she knows they are watching, like women who suffer from cyst, ovarian cancer, etc. illnesses, and said they are cured, as well as other viewers who need pray-overs. TAKE NOTE of this: I was carried over, then she said there is somebody out there who lost his job and just staring at the TV screen who seems to lose hope and crying. She also said "let it be, there's nothing wrong with crying, and don't worry, you'll have one soon with a much better salary. You will hear about it tomorrow." I burst in tears as if she is talking to me because the scenario is, I may say, exactly as mine.

As if the Lord is here with me, or a coincidence, when I turned on the TV...the channel (TFC), the program and the exact situation I am with.

I can't help writing you this email which I did as soon as I finished my lunch. Who would not believe? Ask you to pray for me".

I cried instantly while sharing it with my two children because i have felt how he felt during that moment.  It was what i wanted to experience--seeing myself in that situation where the healer/host was pointing out on someone, knowing him/her on that very moment.  They had clairvoyance, spiritually.  For many years, i 've been waiting in front of my tv to be one of those touched by God's grace. i know i receive His blessing and all of us everyday, in different forms.  This said situation of my brother rarely comes.

In these trying, hard times of our lives, sharing like this one give us hope.  God always sees us.

May His blessings be felt on earth.

Your happiest day

 Happy birthday, our angel, my baby.  I wish that you celebrate it in Heaven.  All of us want to send you our  love and best wishes though you're not here.  Please always remember that we always do love you.  We remember you, our hero.  Love always, your loving fans

Happy Birthday, with all our love, Michael

Michael, i wish you a happy birthday though you're in another world.  I don't know if it is celebrated there.  I wish i know how life is there.  I wish i can see how an immortal world is. i wish i can see and here you from you there.  I've been searching for ways on how to know how it's there, reading books about it, but i still don't know.

Michael, it's your birthday tomorrow through our calendar here.  Mixed emotions are packed.  I want to send them to you.  I love you, it's sad, it's empty, it's supposed to be happy...i want you to know them and i will be consoled. No matter how, though you don't hear, you don't read, we want you to know that we celebrate it with all our hearts...for you, my love. 

Happy Birthday, with all our love, Michael

Michael, i wish you a happy birthday though you're in another world.  I don't know if it is celebrated there.  I wish i know how life is there.  I wish i can see how an immortal world is. i wish i can see and here you from you there.  I've been searching for ways on how to know how it's there, reading books about it, but i still don't know.

Michael, it's your birthday tomorrow through our calendar here.  Mixed emotions are packed.  I want to send them to you.  I love you, it's sad, it's empty, it's supposed to be happy...i want you to know them and i will be consoled. No matter how, though you don't hear, you don't read, we want you to know that we celebrate it with all our hearts...for you, my love. 

success

"

"The person inside YOU - your real self is capable of achieving much more than you think! So learn to dream BIG dreams! Because whatever you can conceive in your mind, can come to pass!"

Reasons to go on living

As sweet as the morning breeze,  the combination of  angelic faces like these makes me want to go on living and inspires me believe that i still have to go on.  The fantasy that you and I are one will remain in me for eternity.

Reasons to go on Living

The Reasons to go on Living Project

Welcome to The Reasons to go on Living Project. We are collecting the stories of people who have attempted or seriously contemplated suicide but now want to go on living. The Project will study and share these anonymous stories for research, education and inspiration.

Have you attempted suicide? Did you choose life?
If you answered “yes” to both questions, we hope you will help us with our research for The Reasons to go on Living Project.
This Project and website are dedicated to learning how people who once attempted suicide have chosen to go on living. This site is not a crisis service. If you are in crisis, click here.
In the medical profession, we do not understand the process of transition from wanting to die to wanting to live. Understanding this process is critical to improving care for people who are suicidal and it is a difficult area to research because people need to share their innermost thoughts and feelings.
We hope that by studying the stories this site is gathering, we will be able to develop better ways to help people who are suicidal. The project will help professionals who treat people who make a suicide attempt and will also offer public education and support by sharing some of the stories we receive.
If you have a story about choosing life, we hope you will share it with us. We need your story to make The Reasons to go on Living Project a success.
Your anonymity is guaranteed and your help will be invaluable.

Submit Your Story

The Reasons to go on Living Project needs your story.
If you have made a suicide attempt or seriously considered suicide and now want to go on living, we want to hear from you. We want to learn how you recovered and found reasons to go on living.
> Find out More   > FAQs

Poverty is not from God

Why doesn't God simply ban evil? To undestand the answer, we must consider the consequences such action would bring. Understanding why God allows evil and its resultant suffering requires a fundamental understanding of one of God's greatest gifts—as well as how man has continually abused that gift.
The gift is free will—or, as it is more popularly called, freedom of choice. God granted this freedom to our first human parents, Adam and Eve, at creation. But over the millennia we have proven ourselves to be woefully inept stewards of this precious gift and its far-reaching responsibility.
As God explained to ancient Israel, the freedom to make choices is essential to developing righteous character (Deuteronomy 30:15-19). Without freedom to choose, we would be little more than robots, with our behavior either preprogrammed and unchangeable or dictated in all its details by an outside force such as God Himself.
But that is not God's intent. He has different expectations of us because of His much higher purpose for us. He wants us to choose to obey Him from the heart. He wants us to enthusiastically love and cherish His values and standards, which are based on two overriding principles —loving Him with all our hearts and loving others as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:35-40).
As we will see, choosing to obey God and learning to love others when we have the freedom to do otherwise is vital for the future God has planned for us.

Come to me and rest

Come to me and i will give you rest.   The world is too much for you.  Your time is finished.  I want to have you back in my arms.  I love you, my son.   Leave all your cares behind....your feelings below.  No pain will be felt anymore.  Forgive your sinners. ..  and i will accept you.

You were God's most loved angel.

 You were once the pride of your land.   Filled with charm, love., affection and care for the world.    They needed you, you needed them.   God does wonderful things...like how wonderful it was to have let all of us need each other, so that when someone is gone,  his memories will be remembered with love.  We remember you as our Loved Angel.

Relaxing and simple beauty

You are here in my heart.

I never thought you would leave. You told me you were live for eternity. But i woke up one day you were gone.  I was lost. I looked for you in the woods--the roughest and darkest place of my mind..  But  you were nowhere to be found.  I got insane, crying all day and night.  

We were only sharing love sweetly and lovingly.  You would always look into my eyes and tell you love me.  I would reciprocate it with all my loving smile and kisses.  Never a day when i was blue because of the joy you gave me.  The joy i never knew before.

I thought it was all.  I thought it was for eternity. Now, all I have is your memory...our memories---the once shared love that nobody had done.

"I will love you until i breath my last air,

Until the sun fades and show itself no more,

Until the earth loses it gravity,

And every soul return to its  Master"

Elen Felix/Mymylastlove/elaine jason

BREAK OF DAWN

The sun is still hiding.  I opened my eyes to the beautiful dawn.  this is my favorite time of the day--break of dawn.  My mind is so clear during this time.  I tend to appreciate everything that's on my sight.  I love the darkness around and the stillness of the dawn. They capture my serenity.   Being alone that's up makes my surrounding so quiet.  This is the life that  i love. 

 Love abounds in this time of the day.  I remember my love who has just passed away.  i seem so cold inside.  I've never recovered yet.   Seems just like yesterday.  How i love lying with him, and just simply looking at his angelic face while fast asleep.

 

Hold my hand, feel the touch of your body cling to mine
You and me, makin’ love all the way through another night
I remember you and I walking though the park at night
Kiss and touch, nothing much, let it blow just touch and go

Love me more, never leave me alone by house of love
People talk, people say what we have is just a game
Oh, I’ll never let you go, come here girl
Just got to make sweet love ‘til the break of dawn

[Chorus]
I don’t want the sun to shine I wanna make love
Just this magic in your eyes and in my heart
I don’t know what I’m gonna do I can’t stop lovin’ you
I won’t stop ‘til break of dawn makin’ love

Hold my hand, feel the sweat, yes you’ve got me nervous yet
Let me groove, let me soothe, let me take you on a cruise
There’s imagination I bet you've never been there before
Have you ever wanted to dream about those places you’ve never know

Break of dawn, there’s no sun up in the sky
Break of dawn, I can see it in your eyes
Break of dawn, girl you got to understand
It’s the way that I love you, let me show you I’m your man
Break of dawn

[Chorus x 2]

Let’s not wait, the sun is out, let’s get up and let’s get out
It’s the day, a brand new day, let’s both go outside and play
Let us walk down the park, makin’ love ‘til it’s dark
Let me move, let me soothe, ‘til the break of dawn and you know it’s true, oh

A reflection of man's greed

To those who destroyed this loving man: May God show you how you've done to this wonderful soul.  Everything has its karma.  You may have won before, but you didn't know where that victory came from.  It's not from Michael's God.

A memory that cuts my heart into pieces.  It is now a broken dream shattered by mankind's greed.     Once a Paradise of laughter and smiles by a good-hearted and loving man now a memory of despair, that once sheltered and gave laughter to poor children.  

Nobody can put down another but the other who doesn't deserves respect.  Will they ever get to sleep by tarnishing their hearts with evil deeds?

For My wonderful Man

"Though my world has fallen apart,
And rainbows are not there to find now,
Still, i appreciate the days when my eyes laid on you--
Thirty days of joy and delight,
Moments when my eyes and heart shone like diamond,
Short time of delight that lapsed so easy,
But though it was this way,
I want to thank you for making me feel this way,
To thank you, though you know not,
That you put my heart in ecstasy,
Most of all, I thank God above,
For giving us your wonder...
For creating you...
the marvel of your being...
our heart's light in this soil,

Who, forever, will remain my King".

 

"Soft as a teddy bear,
I want to cuddle you in my arms,
To hug and kiss your forehead,
Like a baby so dear to me.
A touch for a child...
Be my baby, be mine".

Recalling God's Love

 

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.
~Stanley Lindquist




"There is hope in every loss.
There is light in every dark place.
When we feel lost and weary,
His arms are sure to carry us surely.
Amidst life's toils and trials,
His answers are waiting for us,gals,
Only a prayer is there for us to say,.
And His Light will, around us, stay."


Elen Felix

The sunrise of life

God, thank you for each morning that comes.   Each new day, i open my eyes to a bright morning to witness again another day of sunrise.  Life is full of meaning when we appreciate each morning given by God.  Morning is the time of the day when we experience another start of God's blessings.  Thank you Lord for this morning.

         Each morning is a fresh beginning.  We are, as it were, just beginning life.  We have it entirely in our own hands.  And when the morning with its fresh beginning comes, all yesterdays should be yesterdays, with which we have nothing to do.

Sufficient is it to know that the way we lived our yesterday has determined for us our today.

And, again, when the morning with its fresh beginning comes, all tomorrows should be tomorrows, with which we have nothing to do. 

Sufficient to know that the way we live our today determines our tomorrow.

To gain the most, we must simply place our full, loving attention on the first hour of this new day, with all its richness and glory, with all its sublime and eternity-determining possibilities, and each succeeding hour as it comes – but not before it comes.

A happy Michael

I wish that Michael really had a serious marital relationship.  It was his lacking in life.  A family is the most important booster for a man.   If only he had it,  he would have not dealt with drugs to make him sleep.  It's what's making us sad--his lonely life.  We love you so much, Michael.  Hoping that you found yourself now with our God.

Yuck!  I remember my college friend.  A gay.  I pity him for having troubles in his life for being that way.   I respect them.  They don't like to be uncommon--that being so rare compared to natural genders' amount.  They feel unloved no matter how many loves they have, because of the insecurity of their "gender".   Let's love them the way they are.  Nobody is perfect.

White is my color

 

Perfect!  A clean white so pure to the eyes.  Looks like i am in a castle.   A fantasy in my world of fantasy.  Ever dreaming of impossible things which can only happen in my fantasy.  Thanks God for my mind.   You make everything happen.

Love this place...it's healing

A life without stress.   I wonder when i can reach this loveliest paradise.  If there's one place and moment to be given to me,. they are this place, and this moment of reflection which is done so serene here. To have a sleep under this soothing roof of nature and under this kind of surrounding will surely give me a break from this tight life.  I love nature..it's healing.

"When life is hard.

Put  your chin up,

Begin to bless the earth,

Close your eyes,

Feel the tender breeze

Caressing your skin,

Open your lips

To praise God

For this wonderful gift.

In moments of surrender,

Never try to apply this.

Instead, smile...

Smile though your heart is aching,

Smile even though it's breaking.

Remember that our action

Shapes our mind--

We think what we act,

Or vise versa--

We act out what we think.

This i want to teach myself.

Everything that i know that can help me,

I want to do. 

I want to help myself.

Thus, when life is empty,

And when there's a need to surrender,

I look at these pictures,

And utter the word, " thank you, Lord."

Feet of a master

From a wonderful and lovely baby,. a person grows.    Whatever he had in his infancy are not recalled anymore.  How great our God is!  He surprises us with different creations from its own being.

 

 

When you found yourself losing focus on the normal and what's supposed to be the highlight of your life,.instead your  eyes staring at someone who isn't supposed to be the one...it's so hard to deal with life.

Soewhere in time...we will meet

The movie that i like the most..  It's about a love found somewhere outside this world.  They found each other again through a time tunnel traveled by the man.  So in love.  Until he came upon a modern coin from his pocket--that made his world shattered with disbelief.  Upon coming back to earth, he immediately tried to go back once again, but couldn't do it anymore.  He waited and waited until life left him, to be once again reunited with his immortal love.